what is this?

embarrassing 

delighted

nervous

troublesome

hard

complicated

stressful

confused

.

.

.

what is this?????

I just wanna scream out load... I don't want to think about it. My brain is overloaded. And I don't like myself like this. God, please guide my way and help me to clarify it. Please clear my mind and my eyes to see the way of your order. Amen!